lessons and glorifying pain

so im just thinking about how 

in a lot of ways people tend to glorify the pain that marginalized folks go through, oppressed folks go through, and at times even marginalized and oppressed folks ourselves will justify the pain we’ve gone through
of course, everyone has their own personal relationships with events and experiences that theyve had in their life, and im not here to devalue or say that any certain perception or understanding or relationship or dynamic that anyone has personally with their own pain or experience is necessarily false.

however, i think the mentality, or rather, i think that there needs to be a conversation about the nuances of the mentality behind saying things like ‘pain Made Me Stronger’ or ‘what doesnt kill you makes you stronger’ or saying that ‘i went through hard things so that i could get here’ or ‘These hardships necessarily brought me to this point.

while it may certainly be true—while it may certainly be the case that hardships, that pain, that suffering taught people lessons, i definitely do not agree, i do not believe, and i do not think that that is license for people to maintain the structures, the activities, the events, the attitudes, the mentalities, the behaviors that maintain that state of pain, or that state of violence, that state of harm, that state of oppression.

just because pain and suffering helped you learn things about yourself does not mean that you need to inflict it on others. those lessons are yours. nobody can take them from you but you cannot replicate them.

you cannot replicate the lessons that you learn through your pain when the mirror inside of you catches something that reflects itself. when you do that self-reflection of learning from your pain, learning from your struggles, you are forever shaped differently. how will you react, absorb, understand?

see the pain you went through the way that you write your life, the way that you understand your life, the way that you felt things. it cannot be replicated by doing the same thing to someone else. you cannot maintain the understanding that because you went through this, somebody else needs to go through this so that they can have the same lesson as you. that is not how it works.

this is definitely a conversation i think we need to be having.

Candex Louie